CYBER-SAVVY FAMILY

Internet filtering and security products alone will not protect your kids from cyber bullies or worse. Education is a key part of the prevention. Here are some tools and tactics to keep your family cyber safe and savvy.

Use filters to complement, not replace your supervision of Internet use. Some software, such as SafeNet, allows kids to monitor themselves instead of blocking sites. It records the addresses of every site your kids visit so you can peruse them later. Other security programs such as Sonicwall, and Watchguard block undesirable sites by comparing the Internet addresses your child tries to access against its own list of off-limit sites. Keep in mind, however, that phones or computers that do not have filter software are unprotected.

Most parents are well aware that phones are no longer just for talking. They have Internet access, cameras and videocams. Just as in chat rooms, kids need to think about who they text and talk with. They should never text/talk with strangers and should never allow other people to photograph or film them without permission.

Talk to your kids about what personal information is and why it should never be given to people online. Remind them to keep passwords private, even from best friends, and not to share photos of themselves or family with people they meet online. Nothing written on the Web is completely private.

You’ll learn a great deal about your child’s Internet habits by surfing the net with him. Get your own Facebook and Snapchat accounts and befriend your kids – you can then read their profiles. When asking your son or daughter about the neighborhood kids he/she hangs out with, be sure to ask him about his ‘online friends. Get to understand their cryptic code -  http://www.netlingo.com/acronyms.php - is a list of acronyms used for texting and online chats.

Make sure your child has two trusted adults (you, a teacher, another parent, or counselor) that he can turn to if needed and communicate often with these people. If your child is harassed online, save the evidence and if it escalates, contact your local authorities. Also, remind your kids not to be a bully or a bystander. Even if they don’t like someone, it’s a good idea to be decent. The golden rule applies well here. Watching or forwarding mean messages only empowers bullies and hurts victims. It’s time to let bullies know their behavior is unacceptable in any venue.

Most importantly, the best remedy is to keep an open line of communication. Talk to your child about being civil, about being a friend, about privacy issues, about ethics and morality, and about sexuality because if you don’t, someone on the Internet will. No matter how tech savvy a parent becomes, he will never match the intuitive abilities of a generation that grew up in cyberspace. The responsibility lies with us all to give our impressionable youth a firm foundation upon which to make wise and healthy choices and the gift of trust to strengthen their ability to do so.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com

ONE EASY STEP TO SCHOOL SUCCESS - BE THERE!

Parents are often bombarded with advice on how to help their children succeed in school, but one critical factor often gets overlooked: the most faithful foreteller of success at school is very basic—showing up. Research shows the likelihood of dropping out of school skyrockets to 75 percent when attendance drops below 80 percent. This is a disturbing statistic and one that has not been given enough attention. The John W. Gardner Center for Youth and Their Communities (JGC) at Stanford University conducted several studies on the attendance patterns of schools in the Bay Area. According to their findings, the group most likely to be chronically absent are Kindergarteners. Further, children who miss 10 days or more of their first year in school, whether in preschool or Kindergarten, are more likely to establish poor attendance habits and to struggle with reading mastery. Frequent absences early in a child’s education can have long-term consequences.

It seems self-evident that kids who are at school get the most get the most out of it. What’s surprising is the impact attendance has on all aspects of a well-rounded education. Students with good attendance are more responsible and have better work habits. They also learn valuable social skills and develop a broader worldview. The academic upside is also compelling. Better student attendance is a statistically significant predictor of better academic performance and it is true for all socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds.

For parents, understanding the importance of attendance is the easy part. Actually getting kids to school every day, on time is the challenge. Here are a few tips to help achieve that goal.

• Lay out clothes, pack lunches and backpacks the night before.
• Have a backup plan for getting the kids to school if something comes up. Ask a family member, a neighbor or another parent if you can rely on them to take your kids to school, or pick them up, when you need an extra hand.
• Keep your kids healthy by ensuring they get enough sleep and teach them the importance of washing their hands frequently.
• Make sure your children have the required medical immunizations. There are immunizations needed for Kindergarten as well as transitional Kindergarten, and seventh-graders need a Tdap (pertussis booster) vaccine. If you have questions, check with your pediatrician.
• Keep track of your child’s absences. Many parents are surprised to see the number of days missed on their child’s report card. Sometimes we simply forget what took place weeks or even months ago. Writing absent days on a calendar may help you square up.
• Have a chat with your kids about the importance of being present at school. One missed day of school can mean two days of falling behind. Missing school makes it more difficult to stay on track with assignments and every day in school is another chance to learn something new.
• Attend back-to-school night. Most of the important events, dates and information you will need for the school year will be supplied at this meeting. Also, it demonstrates to your kids and their teachers that you are involved and engaged and that school is a priority.
• If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask the office staff, teachers, and/or administrators.

Beyond the most important reason to attend school—to ensure learning and academic success—showing up on time, every day is a life-long lesson that all of us can benefit from.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

SCOOP ON THE SUMMER LEARNING

American schools were traditionally designed to fit the needs of farmers. Children were released from school in late spring to help with planting and in fall to help with the harvest. Although today only 3% of our population makes their living in agriculture, this calendar still remains the standard.

As a result, exhilarated school children are freed from their academic entailments in June. Parents may not be as thrilled. Along with finding sitters and keeping kids safe, summer learning loss is a concern. Studies have proved that this loss is especially prevalent for students with special needs or of low social economic status. Math and spelling skills are most affected - possibly a result of the lack of opportunities to practice. So, let’s find some opportunities!

Summer school programs are a valuable intervention for academic enrichment and acceleration. Unfortunately, most Bay Area summer school classes have been canceled because of the lack of funding. There are many other commercial summer programs, but most of them cost money. If you are interested in finding one near you, check in with your local library, YMCA, or community center.

If you are unable to finance a formal summer program but still want to create opportunities for your children to practice academic skills, there are many no-fuss, homespun ways. 

Number Sense

Playing “I-spy” with numbers in the newspaper or a magazine reinforces number recognition. Ask your young ones to find the numbers in their address, their age, the ages of their siblings, parents, or their birth date and phone number.

Practice reading lists of numbers from left to right by perusing the stock market section. Using stock quotes can also facilitate reciting, writing, adding and subtracting larger numbers.

To bolster percentage and decimal proficiency, check the weather section in your newspaper or online and check climates across the nation and world. Sports fans can acquaint themselves with football, baseball and hockey statistics.

Reading and Writing Competence

Even for Kindergarteners, finding the letters in their name should be easy. To make it more challenging, have them distinguish between capitals and lower-case letters and locate basic words (ex: cat, mom, love).

Comprehension improvement, vocabulary development and sequential understanding can be supported through cartoon strips. Cut them out, mix them up, and have your summer students put them in order. Or select five pictures from a magazine and create a story to go along with the pictures.

Play a more advance version of “I-spy” and have older kids find news stories about government officials, editor’s opinions, weather reports and want ads.

Clip some examples of advertisement and see if you and the kids are able to find the secret messages hidden in the propaganda. Also identify the target audience. It's not as easy as you might think.

For some practical life skills, go through coupons and have the family guess the prices of various products.

Don’t forget to get physical. Whether it be dancing, skipping, swimming or biking, enjoy the nice weather and stay both mentally and physically active. Your brain and all your other muscles will benefit from these eclectic workouts this summer.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!

On July 4th in 1803, news of the Louisiana Purchase reached Washington. On July 4th, 1826, both Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died. On July 4,

1863, President Abraham Lincoln learned of the Union victories at Vicksburg and Gettysburg, signifying the beginning of the end of the Confederacy. General Lee never regained Union territory. Read on and pick up some more tidbits to impress friends at this year’s July fourth BBQ. The fireworks won’t be the only things sparkling!

In order to declare our independence from Great Britain, Congress appointed a committee of five to write The Declaration of Independence. It included: John Adams of Massachusetts, Benjamin Franklin of Pennsylvania, Thomas Jefferson of Virginia, Robert Livingston of New York, and Roger Sherman of Connecticut. Of these five, Thomas Jefferson was chosen to write the majority. Although Jefferson was a very gifted writer, the main reason he was chosen was his status as a Virginian. Virginia was the oldest and considered the most prestigious colony.

In his first draft, Jefferson (a slave owner himself) included slavery as one of the grievances against the King of Great Britain. The original draft included the following. “He [King George III] has waged cruel war against human nature itself, violating its most sacred right of life and liberty in the persons of a distant people who never offended him, captivating and carrying them into slavery in another hemisphere, or to incur miserable death in their transportation thither. This piratical warfare, the opprobrium of infidel powers, is the warfare of the Christian King of Great Britain… He is now exciting those very people to rise in arms among us, and to purchase that liberty of which he has deprived them, by murdering the people upon whom he also obtruded them; thus paying off former crimes committed against the liberties of one people, with crimes which he urges them to commit against the lives of another.” The clause was removed because it was imperative that all the representatives, including those from slave-owning southern states, support it.

On July 1, 1776, all but Pennsylvania and South Carolina voted to approve the

Declaration. They changed their minds the next day. So, on July 2nd Congress approved the Declaration of Independence.

John Adams, in one of his now famous letters to wife Abigail, penned,

“The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of

America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.”

Today we celebrate our independence from Britain and the birth of our Democracy pretty much the way Adams foretold, with parades and picnics, fireworks and frivolities. We just do it two days hence. However you plan on celebrating the birth of our nation, I pray it is filled with family, friends and patriotic pleasures.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

GET MOVING

According to Santa Clara County Officials, One in four kids in Santa Clara County are either overweight or obese, and one in three low-income children between ages two and five are overweight or obese. Nationally, childhood obesity has tripled since the 1970s. The result: 30% of boys and 40% of girls born in 2000 will be diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, which can result in vision impairment leading to blindness, kidney failure and a host of other medical disasters, not to mention, people with diabetes are twice as likely to develop heart disease. It’s time to pay attention to our children’s diet and get the whole family moving.

With the extraordinary weather we have had, it has been pretty easy to take the kids out and get some fresh air, sunshine and exercise. However, the temperatures are bound to drop and the rainy season will commence leaving us cooped up inside, so we need to find some physical fun indoors.

The Wii experience is now a staple in many homes, and Wii Fit is one way for everyone to get a workout. However, if you’re like me and have not yet invested in the Wii phenomena, there are many other, old school options.

DANCE – Pump up the volume and wiggle your hips. Young and old can strut their stuff on the living room floor while the rain comes falling down. Little kids love to “dance and freeze.” Even more fun may be bumping hips and backsides. Oh, come on, you remember the Bump and the Hustle! Show the kids how you used to tear up the rug back in the day. Have them teach you a few new wave steps.

YOGA – Parents are not the only ones busy and stressed. Kids need to decompress too. The whole family can derive enormous benefits from yoga. It enhances flexibility, strength and coordination and also produces a sense of calmness and relaxation.

OBSTACLE COURSE – make an indoor obstacle course, crawling under and over a row of chairs, walking on a homemade balance board, or throwing beanbags into laundry baskets. Half the fun will be setting it up. Just make sure the kids stick around for the teardown.

GO OUTSIDE ANYWAY – If it’s only a sprinkle, gear up the kids, grab some chalk and do some original chalk paintings. Before your very eyes these seemingly innocuous drawings will metamorphose into classic Monet’s. Grab the camera. I promise they will be interesting, but not long lasting.

Let the kids jump in puddles, throw a wet, slippery ball and catch raindrops on their tongue, in their cupped hands, or in an upside down umbrella. After all, they’re kids! With a little imagination, everyone can enjoy staving off the weight and medical mishaps by playing and singing in, or out, of the rain.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

READ ALOUD TO YOUR CHILD

Bill Gates once quipped, “I really had a lot of dreams when I was a kid, and I think a great deal of that grew out of the fact that I had a chance to read a lot.” Many of us grow up with the assumption that we only read aloud to children who have not yet learned how to read. So not true! Think about it. Do you enjoy someone reading to you? Do you listen to audiobooks? I have purchased many more books than songs from iTunes.  It makes me love reading even more! Reading aloud with your child encourages them to read. And practice really does make perfect.       

To use a somewhat gruesome colloquialism, reading aloud with your child can kill many birds with just one stone. It builds the bond between you and your child. It provides a strong, positive influence and it promotes the love of literature and the promise of a life-long reader. Through books children learn empathy for others, see conflicts and possible solutions, and see other sides to a story. They also get the opportunity to view persons not in their immediate environment, for example, the elderly, or people from different ethnic backgrounds or social status. Reading aloud also increases listening skills, vocabulary, memory, and language skills.

It’s a no-brainer really. You can read anything together. It can be recipes, the newspaper or even a teen magazine (first rule of war – get to know the enemy!) You can memorize a poem together, read the bible or a book for school. It can also be in any language. The benefits are universal.           

Still not convinced? Let me throw some data your way. According to the National Center for Educational Statistics, children whose parents read to them tend to become better readers and perform better in school. Need more? Many doctors believe reading to a child makes them healthier! In fact, the American Medical Association has suggested that all doctors prescribe “reading to children.”

A good rule of thumb to maximize comprehensions is to read aloud a piece of literature that is slightly above your child’s reading level. If the piece is below your child’s reading level, they can read it independently. If it is at their reading level, you can read it together - take turns reading aloud or read side by side and discuss. Not sure of your child’s’ reading level? Ask their teacher. For a quick check of a particular piece of literature, have your child read about 25 words of the passage out loud. If they miss more than a few words, it’s too difficult for them to read by themselves.     

Consider role modeling the importance of reading. Make it a priority over cleaning the house, texting or even making dinner. It only takes 20 minutes, but I bet you’ll enjoy this time together so much that you’ll soon be prolonging it. Every day you accomplish this loving task, you are telling your children that reading is important, and so are they.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

PRACTICING SAFE TEXT

“Sexting” (sending sexually explicit messages or photographs from a cell phone) is not nearly as common as some may have believed. In fact, national surveys suggest that only 3 to 7 percent of teens are sending or receiving sexually graphic message or images. 

 

Reading this statistic, I was relieved but also a bit skeptical because telling the truth is not the first virtue that comes to mind when considering teens. However, it’s not important what I believe. The fact is, sexting is out there and has become part of today’s technically advanced world. So, parents need to understand the implications, collect information and be prepared to give advice about what to do if their child sends or receives a sexting image.

We would all like to believe that our kids are too naïve or too intelligent to get involved in such tawdry business, but the fact is, many, smart, well-educated and worldly people have participated in, and felt the repercussions of sexting. Just ask former U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner or former Texas Congressman Joe Barton.

There can be serious legal implications. Anyone, including minors, who take nude or sexually implicit photos of themselves or someone else underage can be charged with producing or distributing child pornography. 

To be perfectly safe, kids should never take images of themselves that they wouldn’t want everyone – including classmates, teachers and their family to see. This does not only apply to cell phones, but any media-sharing device. Also, if your child receives a sext message, they should not send it to anyone or delete it. They should tell you or another trusted adult.

People aren’t always who they seem to be in cyberspace or in real life. And, relationships change over time so advise your kids to consider that when they press “send” they cannot control where their message may go. In other words, what they send to a boyfriend or girlfriend could easily end up with other friends, complete strangers, and potentially dangerous people.

All that being said, cell phones are not the devil’s handy work. In the event of an emergency, having a cell phone allows your child to contact you, the police or the fire department immediately.  You can also contact your child if there is a family emergency. Also, many phones are now equipped with GPS which will allow you to track your child’s phone, and hence, your child.

If you are not familiar with textonyms (acronyms used in text messaging) spend time with your son or daughter and ask them to show you how to decipher text message basics. Understanding sexting and discussing this dangerous trend is the first preventative step. 

Ronald Reagan adopted an old Russian proverb when discussing US relations with Russia – “Trust, but verify.” This may be the tactic you’ll want to employ when determining the relationships between your child and his cyber-safety.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

FOR DEAR OLD DAD

William Smart, a Civil War veteran, was widowed when his wife died while giving birth to their sixth child. He raised all six kids by himself on a rural farm in Washington State. While listening to a Mother’s Day sermon, his daughter Sonora realized her father deserved to be honored for his selflessness and sacrifice. So, on June 19^th, 1910, the first Father’s Day celebration was held in Spokane, Washington. In 1966, President Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3^rd Sunday in June as Father’s Day and President Nixon signed the law, which finally made it permanent in 1972.

This coming Sunday, Dad is officially the “head honcho, ruler of the roost, and king of the castle.” Today’s eclectic family dictates that the gifts and pleasures bestowed are not dependent on DNA. “Dad” is the man who lovingly and respectfully helps raise the kids. He’s the one who deserves all the honors, kisses and kudos, regardless of his official title.  

If money is not a concern, a weekend trip to Pebble Beach, or 49er season tickets are more than appropriate. If, however, your piggy bank is looking a bit emaciated, there are still ways to make his day - one he will remember with love and appreciation. And the best part, the kids do all the work!

Turn the lawn chair into a throne that puts within his reach everything he needs to be king for the day. Use clamps or tape to attach appropriate accessories (umbrella for shade, drink cup, back-scratcher, etc.) Brainstorm together everything he enjoys. Bring out the boom box or i-pod with his favorite songs, and a bucket for soaking his feet. Serve his favorite smoothie, or beer in a frosted mug. Dish up his favorite meal on a breakfast tray, and if you really want to go out on a limb, assign each family member slave duty for an hour. Dad can demand back, foot and head rubs. One minion may have to wash the car, while others clean the back yard or garage. If you’re looking to get out of manual labor, offer to bring him the paper and read it to him!

Don’t forget the homemade cards. They are truly priceless. Use construction paper, pictures of the family and endearing quotes, like, “A wise son maketh a glad father – Proverbs 10.1.”  Or, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years – Mark Twain.” And my favorite, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother” – Henry Ward Beecher. For more quotes, poems, recipes, and gift ideas go to www.loveyoufather.com.

Dads, if you’re reading this, act surprised! Also, go over the top when showing your everlasting appreciation for the special gifts your children made. Listen to their stories, adventures and congratulate them on a job well done. As Shakespeare penned in “Merchant of Venice”, “It is a wise father that knows his own child.”

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

DAD MATTERS AS MUCH AS MOM

In 1966, President Lyndon Johnson declared that the third Sunday in June would be Father’s Day, 50 years after the country had begun celebrating American mothers. Nevertheless, as traditional roles around the house have changed, fathers are gaining more attention. And rightfully so!

Dad’s role is crucial, not only to the children in his life, but also to our society as a whole. Children without fathers are five times more likely to be poor, three times more likely to use drugs, three times more likely to have emotional and behavioral   problems, twice as likely to drop out of school, and twice as likely to be incarcerated. Unfortunately, 40% of children in America are raised without a father.

Study after study empirically demonstrates that a father’s role in a child’s well being is just as important as mom’s. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 44% of children in mother-only families are living in poverty, compared to only 12% of children living in a household headed by a married couple. A study by the Department of Education showed that students whose fathers were highly involved at school were 43% more likely to receive A’s. Conversely, students living in homes without a father were twice as likely to repeat a grade as students with a father in the home.

A father can really make substantial difference, whether he be married, single, divorced, widowed, gay, or straight, a stepfather, a stay-at-home dad, or the primary family provider. What is important is that he is involved. So how are we going to show our thanks to dear old dad? We can check out how other cultures do it.

 

Australians have festivities all day, starting with a community breakfast, then games, followed by picnics and fishing contests. It might be fun to set up a breakfast with a few family friends and plan an outing for dad.

The Irish donate to charity in the name of their father or perform acts of community service to pay tribute to the important men in their lives. How about letting dad sleep in and take the kids for an altruistic playdate? Or, enjoy a charitable family outing - www.volunteerinfo.org offers volunteer opportunities across the Bay.

South Africans gather in their communities and read stories and poems, focusing on strong male role models. Here are some good reads with patriarchal themes:

This I Believe: On Fatherhood by Dan Gediman, is a compilation of original essays. It is filled with moving memories of love, heartbreak, lessons learned, opportunities missed, and other sentimental stories.

In, Just the Two of Us, actor Will Smith tells a touching tale of fatherhood and a father’s love as his child grows from a boy into a man.

Monday is One Day by Arthur A. Levine is a love note from a working parent to a child.

For a real sentimental punch, have the children make their own book for Dad. Klutz Build-a-Book: Why I love my Dad by Sherri Haab is a kit containing everything a kid needs to create a one-of-a-kind book just for dad to show off, share and cherish.

Whether spending time outdoors, reading a book together, performing some community service or just sitting down to a family meal, enjoy creating some wonderful new memories and traditions of your own this Father’s Day.

Sigmund Freud wrote, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.” May you and your family enjoy the protection and love of the men in your family that answers to “dad.”

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

ALLEVIATE TEST TAKING TENSION

For families around the country, spring means clearing clutter, cleaning the garage, and getting outdoors. For teachers, it means counting down the days to the much-anticipated Spring Break and preparing for the state test.  The annual standardized state test has become more and more tied to a child’s progress, their class placement, and a teacher’s perceived performance. It even affects real estate prices. In the near future, these test scores may decide school funding and teacher salaries. As a result of this growing pressure, more time, money, and energy is being expended on preparing for these types of high stakes test.

Kids are bogged down with simulated practice tests and much of the work can be tedious. However, parents can help alleviate some of the stress brought on by these wearisome tasks and help their children perform better on standardized tests, which, like it or not, students will be taking many times for many years to come.

The best preparation of course is to encourage your children to be life-long learners both in and out of the classroom. That means doing simple things like listening and following directions, reading, and doing homework. Your children’s teacher has most likely been doing test preparation in school so you can help with easing anxiety and boosting confidence at home.

It sounds obvious, but make up tests are cumbersome, so make sure your children are in school and on time during the testing session. Do not plan any doctor or dental appointments on test dates. Know how test results are used, and how they will affect your children’s grades or placement. Test dates and all other information can be obtained from school and should be on the school website.

Be a cheerleader! It’s crucial that you communicate to your children that you believe in them. Without adding pressure, motivate your children to do well on the test and to listen carefully to all test-taking directions. Also, encourage them to ask questions about any directions that are unclear.  Make sure your children eat a healthy breakfast and, of course, get plenty of sleep the night before. A shower in the morning will freshen mind, body, and spirit. Having a pleasant morning will eliminate any added concerns and allow your children to focus while taking the test.

If your children are overly anxious, give them a few calming tips to use while testing. If frazzled, imagine a favorite place. Focusing on something else clears the head. Tuck a small token into a pocket. Nothing distracting, just a special coin, or sticker will suffice Suggest taking a deep breath and counting to ten. Then take shorter breaths in between passages or sections of the test – counting only to three. These simple exercises are fast, simple and really work.

Empowering yourself and your children before test taking will lead to a more pleasant testing experience, and hopefully higher scores, so send your tough test taker to school with a full tummy, clean body and confident self.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

  

MORE CYBER-SAFETY

 

Why do I keep harping on the dangers of the cyberworld? These sobering statistics may explain.

• According to the Cyberbullying Research Center, cyberbullying victims consider suicide about twice as often as victims of physical bullying.
• The National Institutes of Health has reported a stronger link to depression in youths from cyberbullying than any other form of bullying.

• Victims often don't tell parents or other authority figures about this type of bullying out of fear their Internet access or cell phone could be taken away.

An alarming amount of cyberbullying happens during online gaming.

Since my knowledge of gaming is very limited, I turned to an expert. Michael Fertik is the CEO and founder of Reputation.com. Reputation.com is headquartered in Redwood City, California and helps businesses and consumers control their online lives.

“One reason why we’re seeing the rise of cyberbullying is because technology is on the side of the perpetrator and not the victim.” He said, “Tools to attack are more sophisticated and so are searches, with social networks fundamentally serving as broadcast services.”

I asked Michael some questions regarding this fairly new form of bullying.

What does aggressive behavior or online bullying look like? What should parents look for?

There's a range of symptoms and behavior that come into play with aggressive and bullying behavior online. For example, bullying can revolve around anti-gay insults; this is particularly prevalent among boys. It can also take the form of racial slurs.

One thing parents can look out for is excessive, bordering on obsessive, social networking. Sometimes victims of bullying will spend hours online reading all of the insults, just waiting for the next one. It goes against conventional wisdom, but it's part of what makes cyberbullying more dangerous.

What online games are most susceptible to bully behavior?

Xbox Live is one of the most popular online gaming systems. With more than 20 million users logging on each day, it may not be uncommon to cross paths with an overly aggressive player. To greatly reduce risk of online harassment, avoid overly familiar contact with people you meet via competition-intense games such as the "Call of Duty" series. Trash-talking and other aggressive behavior may be more likely to occur, due to the first-person shooter viewpoint and its overall violent theme; avoiding offline contact can help reduce the risk that “trash talk” will turn into something more serious.

What, if any, are California’s cyberbullying laws?

California does have a cyberbullying law on the books. Assembly Bill 86 2008 gives principals the ability to suspend students or recommend them for expulsion if the student has engaged in bullying behavior in school or outside of school, with a special clarification for cyberbullying.

The bill had registered support from the California Teachers Association.

Michael’s final piece of advice - “Ideally, your kids will answer all of your questions openly and honestly. Unfortunately, anyone who has spent any time around teens knows that the perception of privacy is incredibly important. That’s why it is important to consider investing in computer monitoring tools.”

I may be naïve, but I also believe the golden rule can apply well here, remind your kids to be ethical at all times, and when playing in cyberspace, to treat fellow gamers the way they themselves would like to be treated.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

HAIL TO THE CHIEFS

Monday, February 19^th,  we celebrate President’s Day. It is a time to reflect on the achievements of all our presidents and, in particular, say happy birthday to George Washington (February 22^nd) and Abraham Lincoln (February 12^th ).  Many focus on the economic influence of this three-day weekend - a time of special deals and sales, especially on cars. While I can’t tell you which car to purchase, I can offer some erudition learned from the 45 men who have attained the highest office.

Whatever you think about our current or past presidents, there is no refuting it is a difficult post to obtain. The legal requirements are outlined in Section 1 of Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution:

“No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.”

Hence, if you are 35 or older, were born in America and have lived here for at least 14 years, you’re eligible to run for office. If you want to win, however, you may consider these political statistics and pointers.

Consider a law degree. Twenty-six of the last forty-five have been lawyers.

Start raising money - a lot of money! “Obama for America” the fundraising phenomena that powered Obama’s ascent to the presidency raised 650 million by Election Day. This enabled him to out advertise and out-staff the McCain campaign by about 2 to 1. Although Clinton raised more money, 1.4 billion to Trumps 957 million, he was still able to secure the presidency.

Get strategic. Popularity is not enough. You’ll need to win the majority of Electoral College votes, not the popular vote. There are 538 electoral votes, and you need 270 of them to become president. Since the official election on November 8^th, Trump has won 61,900,651 popular votes. However, 63,620,704 Americans voted for Hilary.

Join the military. A whopping 36 of our 45 presidents have served. Donald Trump, Barack Obama and Bill Clinton did not. Nor did any president from 1909 (Taft) to 1945 (Roosevelt). Roosevelt was, however, very much involved in World War I. He served as Assistant Secretary of the Navy in France. And, he was our president during most of World War II. John Quincy Adams did not serve but certainly saw first-hand the horrors of the Revolutionary War. At the tender age of eight, he and his mother Abigail Adams witnessed the Battle of Bunker Hill. Years late he wrote,

“-- I saw with my own eyes those fires, and heard Britannia's thunders in the Battle of Bunker's hill and witnessed the tears of my mother and mingled with them my own, at the fall of Warren a dear friend of my father, and a beloved Physician to me.”

His father, John Adams, was the chairman of the Continental Congress Board of War from 1776 to 1777 and our second president from 1797 to 1801.

Needless to say, Commander-in-Chief is no job for the weak. You will need heart, brains, and a very big pocketbook to become president. Once elected, you will need all three of these assets and much more to navigate the colossal task of running the country.

GREAT MEN WITH GREAT PASSION

Long before they won the highest office, American presidents were trying to win the hearts of their favorite fair maiden. In honor of both Valentine’s Day and President’s Day, let’s look at the softer side of a few of our more romantic Commanders-in-Chief.

Letters were lifelines for Abigail Adams who was forced to endure long periods of separation from her husband John. For over three decades they shared their political concerns and professed their love for each other through the mail. As was the custom of the time, they adopted pen names. John wrote ardently to his Diana, the Roman goddess of the moon, often addressing the letters “Dear Miss Adorable.” In a letter dated April 20^th, 1763, he sounds more like a lovesick teenager than a Revolutionist. “I begin to find that an increasing affection for a certain lady, (you know who my Dear) quickens my affections for everybody else…”

It would seem that Letitia Christian had a somewhat formal courtship with her future husband and 10^th president, John Tyler. He once wrote to a friend that Letitia was always so “reserved and modest” that he did not dare to kiss even her hand until a few weeks before the wedding. Once he had won her heart, he relayed his delight for the acquisition. ”To think of you and to write to you are the only sources from whence I can derive any real satisfaction...Indeed, I do esteem myself most rich in possessing you.”

Woodrow Wilson courted Edith Galt while still mourning the death of his first wife.  They were married soon after they met and their quick courtship scandalized Washington society. That didn’t stop his heartfelt praise, “You are more wonderful and lovely in my eyes than you ever were before; and my pride and joy and gratitude that you should love me with such a perfect love are beyond all expression, except in some great poem which I cannot write.”

Harry Truman was smitten with Bess Wallace from the moment he laid eyes on her in Sunday school. He doggedly pursued her for seven years. His love letters, like his politics, were very straightforward. “I suppose that I am too crazy about you anyway. Every time I see you I get more so if it is possible. I know I haven’t any right to but there are certain things that can’t be helped and that is one of them. I wouldn’t help it if I could you know.”

Lyndon Johnson was so taken with his “Lady Bird” Claudia Taylor that he proposed almost immediately. His love-struck countenance is evident in a concise correspondence written one crisp Washington, DC day. “This morning I’m ambitious, proud, energetic and very madly in love with you.”

Ronald Reagan frequently wrote letters of love to his wife, Nancy. She especially looked forward to the ones she received on their anniversary. This is from his letter to her on March 4, 1983. “Still this is the day, the day that marks 31 years of such happiness as comes to few men. I told you once that it was like an adolescent’s dream of what marriage should be like. That hasn’t changed…I more than love you, I’m not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I’m waiting for you to return so I can start living again.”

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

For Whom the Bell Tolls” is a poem by John Donne, part of which reads, “No man is an island, entire of itself. Each is a piece of the continent, a part of the main “… Each man’s death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind. Therefore, send not to know for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.”

The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. was fond of Donne’s poem and cited it often in his speeches and sermons. He believed strongly that, because of our innate connectedness, “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” He surrounded himself with people like himself: people of integrity, bravery, drive, and determination.

King was not an island, and he required much from his friends — the men with whom he worked, prayed and went to jail. So, why take a look at the people with whom King kept company?
Ralph Abernathy was pastor of the First Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama. He and King organized a protest against bus segregation in 1955 after Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man. They also helped form the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, a civil rights organization that adopted the motto, “Not one hair of one head of one person should be harmed.” In the next few years, Abernathy was arrested 19 times. His autobiography, And the Walls Came Tumbling Down, was published in 1989. He died on April 17, 1990.

In 1955 Andrew Young accepted a pastorate at Bethany Congregational Church in Thomasville, Georgia. Like King, he studied Mohandas Gandhi’s concept of nonviolent resistance as a tactic for social change. Also like King, he faced numerous death threats for encouraging Black people to stand up for their constitutional and civil rights. In 1972, he became Georgia’s first African-American congressman since Reconstruction. In 1976, President Jimmy Carter appointed him ambassador to the United Nations. Young wrote several books, including, A Way Out of No Way: The Spiritual Memoirs of Andrew Young and An Easy Burden: The Civil Rights Movement and the Transformation of America.

Clarence Jones was King’s legal adviser and speechwriter. It was Jones who delivered the famed “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” to the clergy in Birmingham in 1963, gaining national attention for the civil rights movement. Jones said of his friend Martin, “Except for Abraham Lincoln and the Emancipation Proclamation of 1863, Martin Luther King Jr., in 12 years and four months from 1956 to 1968, did more to achieve political, economic and social justice in America than any other event or person in the previous 400 years. His writings include, Behind the Dream: The Making of the Speech that Transformed a Nation, and What Would Martin Say?

Because on January 15^th we celebrated Martin Luther King, Jr. and because February is Black History Month, it is altogether appropriate to learn about the people who struggled and sacrificed side by side with Dr. King. We, too, are influenced by the people with whom we choose to associate, and certainly our children are influenced by their friends. Therefore, we can ask ourselves: Are we surrounding ourselves with people determined to advance equality, peace, and justice? Are our children?

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.