I recently sat down with a group of thirteen and fourteen
year old kids hoping to gain insight into their thoughts about meaningful gift
giving. Trying to steer them clear of commercial products, I prompted them with
the question, “What would you like from your parents that doesn’t cost money?”
Their conversations were mature, thoughtful and
revealing. Caroline lamented, “ This Christmas there is one thing I
want from my parents. That is happy times in the New Year - no arguments. [I] just
[want to] enjoy each other’s company.” Nicole, Brandon, Brianna, and Anthony
all expressed similar sentiments. Anxiety due to conflicts in the home and the
need for time together permeated our discussion.
A few claimed to need more freedom and independence, but
for the most part these teens wanted attention. Some expressed specific needs.
Caylen said, “For Christmas I want my mom to play some
games with my brother and me.”
Daisy wants, “… my whole family to be together again. We
can go to the park or just stay home and watch a movie.”
Alex proposed, “We can look at old photo albums. Also, I
would like my parents to tell me something about the photos – tell me about
their past.”
As the exchange continued, I realized that the
overwhelming sentiment was a need for more family time. I was, as I often am,
pleasantly surprised by their considerate appeals.
I began thinking; maybe the old adage that teenagers
desire less time with their parents was hogwash. Maybe the idea that quality
time is more important than quantity is bunk too. A trip to Disneyland is
great, but these young adolescents wanted more time with mom and dad every day.
I found as a middle school teacher that parent
participation drops off dramatically around sixth grade. I’m not sure why, but
my guess would be that children are starting to ask for more independence. I
say, don’t believe them. At least talk with them and question this notion.
If you haven’t engaged with your kids in a while, now is
as good a time as ever. Take them to a movie and have dinner after. If
conversation is at a lull, discuss the movie. Begin, or reinstate game night
once a week. Charades, card games, Monopoly, chess or checkers are fun at any
age.
Kids of all ages love to look at past
pictures as well as recent ones. Admiring baby photos will lead to
delightful memories and chitchat. Conversations of when and where the pictures
were taken will be irresistible. Why not buy some picture frames and decorate them. Pop
in a picture and voila! One holiday gift is ready for wrapping.
Also, check in with middle school and high school
teachers. Talk with them about your child’s exemplary or unsatisfactory grades
and behavior. Ask their English teacher to share what your child has written in
class. You too, will be pleasantly surprised.
Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com
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