NEW BEGINNINGS

With the New Year is fast approaching, millions of adults are making a myriad of resolutions. Among the most popular in America are: losing weight, getting fit, quitting smoking and saving money. These are all honorable goals. However, kid’s priorities and ambitions are also worth reflection.

I sat down with a class of eighth graders and we spoke about their New Year resolutions. I was happily surprised to find that these teenagers are not the materialist mongrels they are often perceived to be. They are not tricked by magazine advertisements and television reality shows that insist happiness results from being thin, rich and narcissistic. 

They have incorporated the words of the wise Benjamin Franklin, “Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man.” 

Almost all said they wanted to do better academically, even the A students! Jennifer’s resolution is “to improve in math, writing and drawing.”  Sydney said she wanted to “start doing her science homework.”  Taylor wanted to “get at least a 3.9 grade point average so I can make my family proud and get rewarded.” Jonah wanted to, “stay on the honor roll.” What a bunch of overachievers!

Justin, like many of us, is self-conscious and his goal is to overcome his anxiety. “My New Year’s resolution is to not care what people say and think anymore. Right now, I care what people say and think about me when I do something. Like, if my brother or sister make fun of me, it gets under my skin and bothers me, so in 2017, I want to be able to just let it slide off my back.” What a world it would be if none of us worried about petty gossip or grappled with misrepresentations.

Marissa, a very shy girl, wrote down, “My New Year’s resolution is to be more confident. Confidence will help me succeed. I want to feel better about how I look, and be more outspoken; maybe even make new friends. This will help me be surer of my decisions.” I think all of us can benefit from this counsel.

Boisterous Stepahnie wants to be more patient and have more self-control. “This is because I get in trouble a lot for ‘not holding my tongue’.” I know my life would be more peaceful if a few of my family members heeded this pledge.

Blake, who was recently reprimanded for being a bully, learned from his mistake. “My New Year’s resolution is to be nicer to people and understand their point of view. I want to do this because I don’t like being mean to people. When I’m mean to people, they think I’m a jerk.” Wise words from a young man who learned a valuable lesson.

One lucrative advantage to all these chivalrous resolutions – they don’t cost a dime! You don’t need to invest in expensive workout equipment, spend a fortune on worthless diet pills or buy Nicorette gum.

Whatever your resolution, I wish you fortitude and perseverance in your pursuits and may you be blessed with a healthy, happy, and prosperous 2018.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

TAKING TIME FOR A TETE-A-TETE

A new year has almost begun and resolutions are being contemplated and if you are anything like me, they will soon be broken. I do, however,  have a resolution that all of us can keep and may be more fruitful than loosing ten pounds.

Teachers sometimes send home brief questionnaires or have students fill out a short survey regarding their interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. I figured, why shouldn’t parents have the same advantage? Why not take a little time for a tete-a-tete with my school-aged child and find out what’s on her mind?

Whether five or fifteen, eliciting ideas and feelings from children isn’t easy. Very young children have difficulty articulating their thoughts and teenagers would prefer to text their itinerary rather than try to explain their ever-changing emotions.

However, one common denominator for all kids and parents is school. So, while out to lunch or walking in the park, you may want to commence the conversation with life around campus.

Standardized test scores have become the seminal aspect of education. Teacher’s reputations, school funding, and even real estate prices are greatly influenced by these numbers. However, there are other parts of school that are – dare I say - more important. Being a Brainiac is great, but being personable and well rounded also leads to future happiness and success.

During your special heart-to-heart talk, ask about favorite friends and teachers and reasons for those choices. Hopefully you are familiar with most or all of them. If not, it’s time to make their acquaintance. They, no doubt, have a substantial influence on your child.

Also, ask who is difficult to befriend and again, get an explanation. Discover who are the jocks, bullies, teacher’s pets, social butterflies, class clowns and troublemakers. This will not only give you information about classmates, but also classroom discipline policies and the school environment in general. You may even get a couple of chuckles listening to the antics and escapades of your kid’s class.

Allude to favorite subjects and discuss why they are interesting. I’m sure you have a pretty good idea from the report card, but questions along these lines will encourage dialogue about the love and challenges of academic life.

Solicit one aspect of school that should be changed. Wanting more physical education, recess or better lunches are typical, but stories of bullies, difficulty with teachers, or a particular subject may need intervention.

Don’t forget to add a few of your own anecdotes from days past. Kids love to hear about how mom had trouble with Algebra or dad won the spelling bee.

All of this doesn’t have to take place in one sitting. The goal is to spend more time together empathizes with one another and enjoying each other’s company throughout the year.

May you have a healthy, happy 2018 spending lots of time with your loquacious loved ones.

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com.

PRICELESS TIME

I recently sat down with a group of thirteen and fourteen year old kids hoping to gain insight into their thoughts about meaningful gift giving. Trying to steer them clear of commercial products, I prompted them with the question, “What would you like from your parents that doesn’t cost money?”

Their conversations were mature, thoughtful and revealing.  Caroline lamented, “ This Christmas there is one thing I want from my parents. That is happy times in the New Year - no arguments. [I] just [want to] enjoy each other’s company.” Nicole, Brandon, Brianna, and Anthony all expressed similar sentiments. Anxiety due to conflicts in the home and the need for time together permeated our discussion.

A few claimed to need more freedom and independence, but for the most part these teens wanted attention. Some expressed specific needs.

Caylen said, “For Christmas I want my mom to play some games with my brother and me.”

Daisy wants, “… my whole family to be together again. We can go to the park or just stay home and watch a movie.”

Alex proposed, “We can look at old photo albums. Also, I would like my parents to tell me something about the photos – tell me about their past.”

As the exchange continued, I realized that the overwhelming sentiment was a need for more family time. I was, as I often am, pleasantly surprised by their considerate appeals.

I began thinking; maybe the old adage that teenagers desire less time with their parents was hogwash. Maybe the idea that quality time is more important than quantity is bunk too. A trip to Disneyland is great, but these young adolescents wanted more time with mom and dad every day.

I found as a middle school teacher that parent participation drops off dramatically around sixth grade. I’m not sure why, but my guess would be that children are starting to ask for more independence. I say, don’t believe them. At least talk with them and question this notion.

If you haven’t engaged with your kids in a while, now is as good a time as ever. Take them to a movie and have dinner after. If conversation is at a lull, discuss the movie. Begin, or reinstate game night once a week. Charades, card games, Monopoly, chess or checkers are fun at any age.

Kids of all ages love to look at past pictures as well as recent ones.  Admiring baby photos will lead to delightful memories and chitchat. Conversations of when and where the pictures were taken will be irresistible. Why not buy some picture frames and decorate them. Pop in a picture and voila! One holiday gift is ready for wrapping.

Also, check in with middle school and high school teachers. Talk with them about your child’s exemplary or unsatisfactory grades and behavior. Ask their English teacher to share what your child has written in class. You too, will be pleasantly surprised.

                                                                                                 

Contact Margaret Lavin at elementarydays@gmail.com